Rough Draft #1
The subject of body image would
often concern people with society often placing standards on how people should
look like, how they should dress, how much they should weigh, etc. Society carries
a very judgmental persona where it criticizes people of how they should be
rather than letting them be themselves. When people do not fit the criteria of
society’s unwritten and arbitrary regimen of how they should look, they often
get criticized or judged at first glance. There are cases where some people modify
their bodies to achieve self-satisfaction where others would find them
concerning and challenging the notion of what is healthy. These bodies have
been exposed to extreme and strict routines to align with a healthy lifestyle
due to a goal in mind wanting to be achieved.
Bodybuilding is a form of body
modification that many people have negative views on due to its looks, appeal,
and the question whether it’s healthy to achieve such a physique. One person
who constantly gets judged by others is female bodybuilder, Roxanne Edwards. In
an interview, Roxanne mentions, “I’m just a human being who got the chance to
see the world at a different vantage point.” Roxanne was able to find what she
needed to be comfortable within her own skin. She utilized bodybuilding as an
outlet to be happy and satisfied with her own body. Many men and women have
insecurities of their own bodies where they are unhappy with themselves and
they find flaws every time they look at themselves in the mirror. People who
are mentally healthy would have confidence within themselves and they would
always want to achieve something better. Bodybuilding is often thought of
something out of the norm especially when talking about femininity. However,
Roxanne addresses that femininity is about believing that she is beautiful no
matter how she looks or what others think. In fact, loosing her breasts did not
make her feel less of a woman. Instead she embraced it and continued to work
hard achieving the “peeled” physique because that is what she finds attractive
and what she enjoys doing. Roxanne’s mindset was always geared towards
achieving something better. Her bodybuilding journey not only helped her become
physically strong but it helped her build a strong character, which aligns with
what is healthy.
There is skepticism whether putting
your body under intense stress and using supplements and steroids while
bodybuilding is healthy. Most people would agree that the use of steroids could
potentially be dangerous. However, Roxanne has been bodybuilding for years and
understands how her body works and reacts to diet and exercise. In fact, she
mentions that she is able to eat McDonalds before competition because she
understands that her fast metabolism allows her to. In most cases, fast food
isn’t considered a healthy dietary option at all. However, Roxanne understands
the proper foods and nutrients she should take to achieve her “peeled” physique
without damaging her body. Roxanne’s use of steroids would concern many people
due to its negative side effects. However, she explains that she uses steroids
to help her look harder during competition. She is fully aware of the
repercussions that could potentially happen when she uses steroids, which is
why she doesn’t use it for a long period of time. Overall, the steroids,
supplements, diet, and exercise she exposed herself to wasn’t severely damaging
her body at all. Instead, she made use of them to help her achieved the
physique she wanted.
Bodybuilding is not only a physical exercise but also a
mental exercise. Most people who choose to go in the path of bodybuilding know
that the journey isn’t easy. Bodybuilding requires a lot of dedication and
stamina in order to be successful. This kind of motivation aligns with what is
healthy because it does build mental strength. Kathy Acker mentions,
“Bodybuilding can be seen to be nothing but failure. A bodybuilder is always
working around failure.” Kathy Acker understands that in order to build muscle,
she needs to break down the muscle. Breaking down muscle means that pain is
inevitable and Kathy needs to be disciplined enough to tolerate it. Kathy
explains that she needs to push hard and beyond her limit in order to get the
results she wants. Typically, Kathy would go to the gym and try to lift as many
sets as she can until her muscles can’t take it anymore. Not only does Kathy
work on her endurance but she tries to lift an amount that is usually beneath
her fingertips. This kind of routine tells her body that it doesn’t know what
it’s in for and it adapts to which it can eventually succeed. This intense
training not only tests its physical capabilities, but her mental endurance.
Most people would quit because their bodies endure so much pain until they feel
it isn’t worth it. However, a healthy mind would stay dedicated enough where
they would reach for goals that may seem out of reach. Nothing seems more
satisfying than witnessing results that have been desired for a long time.
I believe your thesis statement to be located in the ending of the first paragraph going into the beginning of the second paragraph. Your thesis statement to my understanding basically states that bodybuilders have gone through extreme routines which go with a healthy lifestyle. In essence, "health is in the eye of the beholder". You have similar points that Cassie does which is as stated before, "health is in the eye of the beholder". Your thesis is interesting because you are one of the few that actually took the side of the bodybuilders and argued that bodybuilders align with the health of notion. Your thesis however, succeeds at making a debatable assertion when you go into talking about Roxanne Edwards. I believe you could improve on making your point a little more clearer in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteYour paper talks about the topic brought up by your thesis because you go on to talk about Roxanne Edwards and talk of how she is rejected by society and etc. Your argument is structured well throughout the paper. Each paragraph contributes to your argument because you use examples from different literary works to further your point. I would however want to see more of how bodybuilders align with the notion of health for body builders such as Roxanne Edwards and etc. Overall this essay is great.
I've located your thesis to be sentences 4 through 7 of the second paragraph and I'm interpreting it to mean "health is defined by one's mental state as opposed to physical. It does not matter what their body looks like but what's important is what they feel like; to be happy and satisfied in one's own skin is to be "healthy"." You have a really strong paper as it is right now but I think you should work your thesis statement and opinion into the opening paragraph because, as Edmund said, it is different and you should be confident in that and start off with a bold opening! I think you did a good job with creating a debatable assertion because you clearly stated where you stand on the topic of bodybuilding and steroid use and you backed it up with good evidence. It's interesting because not many people are an agreement with this practice but I think you did a good job of making the reader see through the eyes of the bodybuilders we talked about in class and showing how they feel with your choice of quotes. Again the only thing to improve is mention this in the first paragraph. Again, I really think you did a fantastic job carrying your thesis and main points throughout the whole rough draft. You were really able to develop your argument with how you used the quotes in this piece. You made great arguments as to how each individual feels about the bodies they've achieved and eve further, I like that each paragraph focused on a different bodybuilder- not much needed to improve here. In regards to your conclusion, I think you should separate it from the information about Kathy Acker. Like the introduction, I personally don't feel it is strong enough in comparison to the rest of your paper. You seem like a great writer but the intro and conclusion are key to a good paper. Your ideas and analyzation of these women really need to be established in the closing so re-state your thesis and possibly try to mention all three women you've talked about throughout your paper. You have a very convincing paper but all you need is clarity in the beginning and the end. Great job all together!
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